We're just about 2 weeks away from our c-section date and we are getting, ahhhh…how you say??? Restless! Our little guy has been crazy active the past 3 days. It looks and feels like he is taking up gymnastics. His movements are rough and quite fast considering that he is getting bigger and running low on space in there! Not sure if it’s a boy thing or a 2nd pregnancy thing but the kicks are pretty intense. Our weekly non stress tests have been going well, he stays very busy and is looking good according to the doctors. For the past week and a half I’ve had more frequent and increasingly painful Braxton Hicks contractions. After being “checked” by the doctor today it looks like my body is in fact prepping for a vaginal birth that isn’t going to happen. I’m just waiting for either my water to break or the contractions get strong and frequent enough to push our c-section date up. Annnny minute now…seriously.
Trying to prepare mentally for the arrival of this much loved, much prayed for baby is SOOOO STINKING HARD PEOPLE!! Seriously, you have no idea! Unless you’ve lived it you really have no idea how draining and painful this road of ours is. Something as simple as packing the hospital bag is tough stuff. I have to just give in and say to myself “this is what normal people do”. You’re expecting a baby so you pack them clothes, put their car seat in the car, put sheets on the crib all with the thought that your little boy will fill them up! FILL THEM UP! FILL THEM UP! YOU CAN DOOOO IT! Whew, yelling it out loud helps haha.
Talk about experiencing mixed emotions. Silly me, I tried to make a play list for our little boy. There are a few songs that really make me think of him and our journey to meet him. Lyrically certain songs might be about something else but they totally apply to our lives. I started balling….you know the shaky, ugly cry. Every song I picked made me really think about and feel things that I know that I’ve partially suppressed over the last 9 months. I’m overwhelmed while imagining what our birth experience will be like this time around. How it will both contrast and in some ways be so similar to the birth of our daughter. The amazement of seeing that little, mysterious persons face for the first time. Hearing your child cry and watching them breathe as opposed to the silence of Ellie’s birth and remembering starring at her motionless chest wishing and willing it to move up and down with the breath of life. Holding, kissing and hugging the beautiful baby that you’ve fallen in love with…not having to let go and say goodbye after saying hello. Getting wheeled out of the hospital with your baby in your arms as opposed to being wheeled out of the hospital with empty arms past a nursery filled with living, breathing babies. How is it that we are lucky enough to finally experience the intense happiness that is having a baby? How do we experience these 2 extremes and mix them both into our hearts and lives? Seriously, I’m asking because it is so hard to imagine how it is really going to feel. It’s all we want in this world and very hard to fathom. I know I’m rambling but this is just a quick look into my brain and daily train of thought right about now.
Sethy-pooh, aka Daddy’o is doing his best not to go cray cray too. He is nesting…mostly in the garage and basement. Getting things organized for spring when he starts work again. He’s put together some of the baby gifts we never put together before, cleaned other ones off and set them up. He’s still intensely protective of me and the baby and doesn’t like to let me out of his sight much outside of the house. He worries about how the baby is doing while we sleep. He told me that he held my belly while I was asleep the other night for a good 5 minutes straight until he felt him kick, then he was able to relax. Seth loves going to the doctors office to do the non stress tests and getting the reassurance from the doctors that our little guy is doing well. It’s not easy on the guys, they don’t get the emotional support as freely as the women do in these situations. It is a struggle and I think he has handled everything that’s been thrown at him with a lot of heart and a boatload of patience. I’m very lucky to have him by my side. I can't imagine going through this with anyone else.
Even though we are wishing the days a way until we get to meet our son, we are trying to enjoy what is left of this pregnancy and how amazing it really is. We are so grateful for this experience and for this gift of life. We love our little man with all our hearts! Thank you for being our ray of sunshine after the storm! Love, Mommy & Daddy
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