What did I do before you?!?

Today while out and about doing Mommy type things like returning clothes and buying you baby food you were SUCH A HAPPY BABY! Oh my word, every time I looked down into the carriage at your sweet face I was greeted with the biggest smile. For a good hour you were non stop giggles and smiles. It got the point when I looked at you and said out loud "Zachary, what in the world did I do before you? And how did I survive before all of this happiness came into my life?" Sometimes I can't even believe that you are real and that you are here with me. After having a rough few days around Ellie's 3rd birthday last week, I'm out of the fog a bit and I am taking all of you in. Your smile, your smell, you sweet cheeks as you roll around on your bedroom floor before your bath, your giggles & screams, your sitting up like a big boy all on your own,

 your love of new foods, your farts, your floppy hair and most of all your snuggles. What did I do before there was you??? How did I make it through the day without your love and hugs? I'm so thankful to be your Mommy Zachary, I love you to the stars and back <3 Mommy

All is good in the Moth'a hood!...3 months later I finally update the blog ;)

  I know about 99.9% of the people who read this blog are either family or friends so they all know that our sweet son Zachary made his safe arrival via scheduled c-section on Friday March 29th, 2013. He is now a very healthy and supa ginormous 16 pound 3 1/2 month old. See....

....he wears his bow ties on Saturdays. He's a serious baby. Or training to be a chip 'n dales dancer...either way, either way :)


  All is good in the Motha'hood! My husband and I are parents to one amazingly happy baby boy. I go to bed every night curled up next to him (as close as you can get to a baby in a basket) and I thank God and every single one of my lucky stars for the day I just shared with this amazing boy Zach. I know how truly lucky and blessed I am to have him here and I do not take one single moment for granted. Poopy diaper blow outs are funny to me, spit up down my bra is welcomed and hungry cries at 2am make me happy..seriously. After years of silence in our home it sounds so dang good to us! Life is good once again and it's all thanks to him...and God...and science :) Don't get me wrong I'm facing the same challenges that most working Mom's do. I'm super tired and a bit forgetful. I have a hard time focusing on work when I am trying to do laundry, pump milk, eat a meal and get a shower in all during nap time. Especially when nap time also includes me checking in on him 5 to 30 (approximately) times, you know just to make sure he is still breathing. That's normal Mommy behavior riiiight?? It's what's normal for this Mommy I guess I just have to own that.

  I've been thinking I should start up at this blogging thing for sometime but you know how it goes, baby is born, make milk, brain goes to mush, work begins, brain gets mushier, pump milk in car while driving to wedding to work, mushier still etc, etc. I'm totally pumping milk as I type. Yeah that just happened. I pump milk while on the phone, editing, eating breakfast, feeding Zach, folding laundry, cleaning bottles, in the car, at the in laws house, in bathroom lounges at wedding receptions & pretty much anywhere else that I can safely (and at least semi privately) hook up my hooters and sit for 20mins. I've been exclusively pumping since we took Zachary home from the hospital (the 2nd time..oh yes there was a 2nd hospital stay due to jaundice & his tongue tie making it hard for him to nurse properly causing him to loose too much weight and his bilirubin levels went way up, not good!). After he got used to a bottle at the hospital, nursing seemed like waaay too much work for this guy so I decided I will pump and pump until I can't pump no more (or until he is a year old, whichever comes first). I rented one of those crazy hospital grade pumps and it turns out I'm pretty good at making milk because my freezer ended up getting pretty full. So full of frozen breast milk in fact that we could no longer put adult food in there. So I decided to donate some of my milk to another Mama who was in need. It's a long story but we have a mutual friend that set the whole thing up. This Mama had a serious medical condition that started after her son was born and now she can't nurse him anymore but she really wanted to give him breast milk. She came over with her little guy (2 months old and super cute) & we sat and talked for a bit about how weird it was to be taking my frozen breast milk (since we had just met) home in her cooler haha. I told her we just needed to think of it as food, not so much my bodily fluids but just baby food. We talked about Mama bear type stuff and it was nice. She was super appreciative about the whole thing and I was kind of looking at it as a tribute to my Ellie. I never got to nurse her, my milk came in after she passed and it was so flipping sad. I remember balling my eyes out at 2am when I woke up to use the bathroom and realized that my milk had come in, just a reminder of all of the waste of life that was happening. So to have this extra milk now, I kind of feel like my body is still trying to feed my two babies. It just kind of makes sense for me to help to feed another baby.

 Well that's the scoop here in the land of Zach, Zach Mattson. I'm off to the grocery store (don't hate!) haha. ~Mama Mattson

 

Here comes the sun :)

To my sweet little boy,

   Your Daddy & I are just a few short days away from meeting you and our hearts are on fire! Just thinking of seeing your sweet face for the 1^st time brings us both to tears, the happiest kind there is. We are so excited to learn about the mysterious little guy who has been growing inside of me all this time. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain just how intensely we love you and always will. But know that we will be saying it and showing you as best we can every day, no matter what. Thank you for coming into our lives. Just knowing about your beating heart has made the sun shine brighter on us and warmed our souls.

  You are our little boy blue and we love you so, forever and for always!!!

        Love, Mommy & Daddy

Any day now!

We're just about 2 weeks away from our c-section date and we are getting, ahhhh…how you say??? Restless! Our little guy has been crazy active the past 3 days. It looks and feels like he is taking up gymnastics. His movements are rough and quite fast considering that he is getting bigger and running low on space in there! Not sure if it’s a boy thing or a 2^nd pregnancy thing but the kicks are pretty intense. Our weekly non stress tests have been going well, he stays very busy and is looking good according to the doctors. For the past week and a half I’ve had more frequent and increasingly painful Braxton Hicks contractions. After being “checked” by the doctor today it looks like my body is in fact prepping for a vaginal birth that isn’t going to happen. I’m just waiting for either my water to break or the contractions get strong and frequent enough to push our c-section date up. Annnny minute now…seriously.

  Trying to prepare mentally for the arrival of this much loved, much prayed for baby is SOOOO STINKING HARD PEOPLE!! Seriously, you have no idea! Unless you’ve lived it you really have no idea how draining and painful this road of ours is. Something as simple as packing the hospital bag is tough stuff. I have to just give in and say to myself “this is what normal people do”. You’re expecting a baby so you pack them clothes, put their car seat in the car, put sheets on the crib all with the thought that your little boy will fill them up! FILL THEM UP! FILL THEM UP! YOU CAN DOOOO IT! Whew, yelling it out loud helps haha.

  Talk about experiencing mixed emotions. Silly me, I tried to make a play list for our little boy. There are a few songs that really make me think of him and our journey to meet him. Lyrically certain songs might be about something else but they totally apply to our lives. I started balling….you know the shaky, ugly cry. Every song I picked made me really think about and feel things that I know that I’ve partially suppressed over the last 9 months. I’m overwhelmed while imagining what our birth experience will be like this time around. How it will both contrast and in some ways be so similar to the birth of our daughter. The amazement of seeing that little, mysterious persons face for the first time. Hearing your child cry and watching them breathe as opposed to the silence of Ellie’s birth and remembering starring at her motionless chest wishing and willing it to move up and down with the breath of life. Holding, kissing and hugging the beautiful baby that you’ve fallen in love with…not having to let go and say goodbye after saying hello. Getting wheeled out of the hospital with your baby in your arms as opposed to being wheeled out of the hospital with empty arms past a nursery filled with living, breathing babies. How is it that we are lucky enough to finally experience the intense happiness that is having a baby? How do we experience these 2 extremes and mix them both into our hearts and lives? Seriously, I’m asking because it is so hard to imagine how it is really going to feel. It’s all we want in this world and very hard to fathom. I know I’m rambling but this is just a quick look into my brain and daily train of thought right about now.

 Sethy-pooh, aka Daddy’o is doing his best not to go cray cray too. He is nesting…mostly in the garage and basement. Getting things organized for spring when he starts work again. He’s put together some of the baby gifts we never put together before, cleaned other ones off and set them up. He’s still intensely protective of me and the baby and doesn’t like to let me out of his sight much outside of the house. He worries about how the baby is doing while we sleep. He told me that he held my belly while I was asleep the other night for a good 5 minutes straight until he felt him kick, then he was able to relax. Seth loves going to the doctors office to do the non stress tests and getting the reassurance from the doctors that our little guy is doing well. It’s not easy on the guys, they don’t get the emotional support as freely as the women do in these situations. It is a struggle and I think he has handled everything that’s been thrown at him with a lot of heart and a boatload of patience. I’m very lucky to have him by my side. I can't imagine going through this with anyone else. 

  Even though we are wishing the days a way until we get to meet our son, we are trying to enjoy what is left of this pregnancy and how amazing it really is. We are so grateful for this experience and for this gift of life. We love our little man with all our hearts! Thank you for being our ray of sunshine after the storm! Love, Mommy & Daddy

Late night maternity ward tour

Last night we made a quick stop over at Portsmouth hospital for what ended up being a quick one hour tour of their maternity ward. After about 4 hours of increasingly longer and stronger Braxton hicks contractions, I started to have some bad lower back pain, cramping and some pelvic pressure the doctor on call said we should go into the hospital just to be safe. My uterus had been as hard as a basketball for about 90 minutes straight by the time we got there and I couldn’t feel the baby move like I usually do so it was a little nerve wracking. No joke the second they hooked us up to the monitor, our lil’ Mr. Mattson started kicking, punching, moving from side to side, a real one man show this one! The nurse said I was definitely having contractions, which made me feel like we did the right thing coming in. While being monitored she asked all sorts of questions about the pregnancy and my medical history. After explaining our previous pregnancy history (aka Ellie) and my surgery history involving ivf to get pregnant with both of our babies,  she stopped me and said “Oh I remember the day you delivered, I was working that day.”. I was a little confused (thinking she was confusing me with some other poor couple who had to go through ivf just to loose their baby at term) and told her “Oh no, I actually delivered my daughter at Exeter Hospital.” She said, “Yes I remember hearing your story”. Apparently we are famous ‘round these parts! Not the kind of thing anyone hopes to be famous for but hey, what can you do?

  After being on the monitor for about 30 minutes or so, the nurse checked my cervix and I wasn’t dilated at all, which she seemed very happy about while Seth looked a little disappointed. He was looking pretty excited and hopeful that we were going to get to meet our little guy very soon so that burst his bubble a little bit. Even though all that we are thinking about is that we both really just want to meet him and make sure he gets here safely we both felt a little relieved that he will have a little more time to mature in there, getting his lungs developed and putting on a few more pounds. 35 weeks is just a little too early. We know from the biophysical profile ultrasound we had done earlier this week that he is looking BIG and healthy. The measurements put him at a weight estimate of at least 6lbs, maybe more. So if he actually stays in there until our scheduled c-section date at 39 weeks, they are guessing he’ll be around 8lbs or so. A good sized fellow with wiggly legs and feet who likes to keep us on our toes. I can just see him now, running around as a toddler in his custom superhero cape yelling out “Danger’s my middle name!”. Unofficial middle name ok buddy?

  After the doctor took a look at the heart rate and contractions print out they said his heart rate in response to the contractions looked great and that the contractions were irregular enough that we could head on home. It was a nice tour of the maternity ward and the staff were all very friendly. We came home around 12am and went right to bed. I didn’t sleep all that well, the Braxton hicks contractions and back pain kept waking me up. When we got up this morning, my back and legs felt totally exhausted and sore. I’m still having plenty of Braxton hicks contractions today, but it seems like my body just warming up for the real deal. I would not be surprised if this little guy decides to come earlier than our scheduled c-section date. I feel like I’m just along for the ride with him & he likes to keep us guessing. Either way we are in the month of March which means we get to meet our little boy very, very soon! We can’t wait to continue this adventure with our very own little super hero! Love you so much buddy J

Brave Mama

   Being a brave Mama today and washing some of the clothes I bought for you. 

Having FAITH that when I pack my bags for the hospital this time around, we will use everything we pack for our little love. You will wear all of these clothes, snuggle in them, sleep in them, eat in them, spit up in them and most likely poop through some (or all) of them. Even though I’m so so so scared, I’m going to believe Ok? Good talk! 

                                        Love you lil buddy ~Mama Bear

This boy likes to kick, stretch and KICK!

So we started our Valentines day out right, we went to the doctors office to listen to our little guys heartbeat! We had our now weekly non stress test where they hook us up to a monitor that keeps track of his heart rate changes when he moves around. He put on quite the show today. Seth, the nurse & I were all laughing because he literally did not stop moving around the entire half hour that we were in there. You could just sit and stare at my belly and see how busy he really was. The swishes and bumps on the monitor were pretty funny ...& loud, the nurses outside said they could all hear how busy he was on the monitor. Towards the end of the test we could hear him with the hiccups for a few minutes. This little guy has some serious energy to burn. Not too surprising if you know his Dad at all. The doctors say that everything is looking good. We have officially scheduled our c-section for Friday March 29th which just so happens to be Good Friday. Good Friday INDEED!!! So it looks like we will be spending this Easter in the hospital with our new little boy blue. Just about 6 weeks to go and we can't wait! So excited and soooo nervous about the next 6 weeks!